FIND AND SEEK

MICHAEL HALL PHD

1 And he said: Whoever finds the correct
Interpretation of these sayings will never die.

2 Jesus said: The seeker should not stop until he
finds. When he does find, he will be disturbed. After
having been disturbed, he will be astonished. Then
he will reign over everything.


Notice the tension created in the mind by the title Find and Seek. Doesn’t seeking come before finding? Are seeking and finding two? Have you ever wondered why so few seek? Of those who do seek sincerely, why do so few find? How do we seek in a way that might lead to finding?

In Matthew 7:7 Jesus says: “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you। For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Seems promising, but how do we go about seeking? Some guidance surfaces in Matthew 7:13: “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Be assured: of those few who find, all sought first. You must truly seek with all your heart, all your mind, and all your spirit.

Finding depends on seeking। Seeking and finding, finding and seeking. Are they two? Ask yourself at this moment ”Who is the seeker? Who finds?” One calls out, the other responds. In the Mumonkan, the classic book of Zen koans compiled in the 13th century by Zen Master Mumon, we find Case # 12: Zuigan Calls “Master”. The challenge is presented: “Every day Master Zuigan would call out to himself, “Oh, Master!”and would answer himself, “Yes?” “Wake up, wake up!” he would cry, and would answer, “Yes, yes!” “Don’t be deceived by others, at any time, day or night.” “No, I will not.” Zuigan was not deceived, but how about you and I? Call and response; are there two Zuigan? What about these “others”? Are they really other, or is it just more of me talking to myself and pretending that there are two?

Seeking in a persistent, determined manner-the kind of seeking that might even lead to finding, does not come easily। Like Zuigan, we might say to our self, “Remember to seek! Be vigilant! Pay attention! Time flies by!” and answer confidently “Oh, don’t worry, I will!” I am often told, “I’m having trouble staying present”। I usually say something like “Really? Where else could you be?” If I’m feeling particularly feisty, I might say “Who is the one that is trying to stay somewhere?”

Confusion is the stock and trade of a real teacher। Do you want to be comfortable, and feel in control? If so, you are in the wrong place। You cannot enter the Kingdom with your beliefs intact। In my view, this is where Mother Teresa was stuck। Reading her posthumous biography, which she never consented to have published in her lifetime, I am startled by the searing pain she felt at her perceived separation from God। Equally amazing is the persistence of her devotion to her calling, even though she felt stranded and bereft, apparently until the moment of her death।

When does seeking end? It ends when you end; simple as that. You end when you are thrown up and spit out by the seeking. On the other hand, as they say in AA, when you grow sick and tired of being sick and tired. When you can’t stand to be you for another second! Affirming Faith inMind, my touchstone to which I return repeatedly states:

In this true world of Emptiness both self and other are no more…।

…।the wise in all times and places awaken to this primal truth। [i]

A calling one and one who answers; one who seeks and one who finds. One who previouslsought, but now has found. All ask plaintively: “What do I do?”

To enter this true empty world, immediately affirm “not-two”….
….Not only here, not only there, truth’s right before your very eyes.

Somehow, we must summon up the courage/desperation to join Abraham in his willingness to slay his deepest attachment. Like Arjuna, terrified and totally freaked out, we must pick up the sword of truth and wisdom and deconstruct all that we are. You really have everything that you need. There’s no time like the present.

REFERENCES

Davies, S. (2003). The Gospel of Thomas: Annotated and explained. Woodstock, VT: Skylight Paths.
Thompson, Charles. (1990). The Thompson chain reference Bible. Second improved edition: New international version. B. B. Kirkbride Bible Co., Inc.: Indianapolis, IN.
Low, A. (1995). The world; A gateway. Commentaries on the Mumonkan. Rutland, VT: Tuttle.
Rochester Zen Center Chant Book. (2005). (New Ed.). Rochester, NY: Rochester Zen Center
Kolodiejchuk, B. (Ed.). (2007). Mother Teresa: Come be my light. The private writings of the “Saint of Calcutta”. New York: Doubleday.

SILENCE

Michael Hall PhD

The purpose of maintaining ‘external’ silence, meaning no talking, is to encourage the development of internal silence। It is only when the thinking mind is silent that spiritual transformation can occur. When we are quiet, and able to focus on the workings of our own minds, we will inevitably become aware of how noisy our mental activity is. Paying attention to this noise, which is the content of your thoughts, is the most direct practice for waking up. Normally, we pay attention to this mental noise, and believe that it is real and important. We then continue to elaborate it endlessly, running around in mental circles until we die. Silence, especially in the context of a spiritual retreat, creates a profound opportunity for each person to see for himself or herself how trivial and meaningless this mental busyness is.

If we will continuously pay attention to this obsessive and relentless fantasying, judging, and worrying, we will eventually become so sick and tired of it that we might just drop it। In Zen terms, this is dropping body and mind। Instead of continuing to treasure the content of our minds, we see through it, and lose interest in it. When seen clearly and accurately, the content of everyone’s mind is equally meaningless and trivial. Yet we spend our entire lives valuing that which has no value, and making ourselves miserable in the process. For what? It is simply a bad habit handed down through endless incarnations, repeatedly for no reason except the mistaken belief that it is inevitable and necessary. It is not inevitable. By careful self-observation, you can grow sufficiently repelled by the content of your own mind that you effortlessly lose interest in it. When you lose interest in our mind and its content, you become open to living freely, undisturbed. An entirely new and unfamiliar world opens in front of you. To lose interest in your mind is to surrender in the deepest sense. It is only then that not my will, but thy will be done will make sense. Our goal is nothing less than to realize our full potential as a human being by disappearing to who and what we have always thought we are.